It is absolutely great to be able to look at the future and know that I have found something that should keep me busy and engaged for the rest of my life. I make reference my love for writing and the possibility to explore the many branches that are associated with writing. There remain the possibility that I may earn very little from what I write but the greater thing is the grand opportunity to free my mind and enter new world and spheres when I sit around a computer keyboard. (The good old day of pen, pencil and notebooks are past.)
This for me is absolutely fascinating because I recall the times of hopelessness and despair of the past. Those times of despair, hopelessness and frustration which were absolutely dark and life made no sense to continue living. Suicide was not an option for me so the thought even when it occurred was not entertained. As I write I try to recall some of those situations that seemed insurmountable. Surprise, surprise, I now look back and I am thankful for some those situations. There are other situations that I cannot recall. Problems and troubles have a way to resolve themselves.
I now look back and recognize that a part of the whole thing was trying to fix situations over which I had no control. There were also a lot of trying to be people pleasing and living up to the expectations and standards of others. Probably the biggest joke just now is realizing that the ones who spoke about the standards the most were the ones that had the bigger problems maintaining the standards. Even now I am sad when I think of how many of these persons world came crumbling down and they exchanged places with those they abused. I endured shame and ridicule because I was not allowed to develop into who I am but was being coerced into being who others thought I should be.
The tough times of the past I believe were equipping me for the present. I never believed that I could hit rock bottom so many times but hitting rock bottom has been absolutely productive for me and brought out qualities that would probably remain latent in me. This has also caused me to from time to time to audit my life to determine for myself if my life serves a purpose. There are two ways to look at my life, I can either have my own view of where my life should go or I can accede to what others think my life should be.
This past week I had reason to reflect on the fact that we all want money and jobs. There is excitement in us when called for a job interview. The interviewer tells the great benefits and advantages of working for the company but the interviewer will not say how the interviewee will one day get his job or become his boss. In life it is very rare that we encounter someone that accepts that we are the better man and if doors of opportunity are opened then there is also something that is expected in return.
We all are fascinating and unique individuals and our make up is beyond comprehension. This is demonstrated by the fact that identical twins and triplets are not truly identical and although many children are born to the same parents but no two are exactly the same. Children learn from parents and there are things that children learn before being conscious of being taught.
One thing that may be lacking in the teaching process is passing on why we are here and the purpose for life. I am sad when I read of the number of persons in my home country that have chosen to opt out of life by way of suicide. There is an even worse practice where persons because they have access to a cell phone and the internet are ever so quick to post videos and photos on social media. (These persons are also quick to post criminal acts and some of the persons posting to social media commit crimes unknowingly and unintentionally).
The loss of hope is a terrible thing, so also is not recognizing a purpose for ones life. The crazy thing is some of the persons deliberately self destruct to spite friends and relatives. Then, again even in self destructing they were being selfish and not thinking about others.
Life is beautiful and the greatest thing that can happen to a person is to discover a purpose for living and finding pleasure in that pursuit.
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